Friday, April 14, 2017

Friday, April 14

Not good. Crying like crazy. She barely licked the nutracal at 5 a.m. for her morning pills for DH and when I tried to give her the nutracal at 7 a.m. for the prilosece, she refused it. I had to dissolve the pill into water and shoot it down her throat.

Pills:

5 .m.:  Metachoprimide and omnisdetron
7 a.m. 1/4 tab prilosec
10 a.m. Sulfacate
11:30 appetite stimulant
6 p.m. metachorpirmide and omindestron
6:30 prilosec
8:30 carafate due

She walked, barely. Made a huge, messy poop. Barely had the energy to climb into her chair.

I have been crying all morning. Not going to tell DH how bad she is. What can we do? Pump her full of more IV fluids? She already is getting 200 ml a day. He doesn't want to see how bad she is, it hurts way too much to think this may be it, she may not recover this time. Two years with renal failure.

The only way to tell for sure how bad it is to get her blood tested.

11:51 a.m.  I gave her the appetite stimulant at 11:30, after I returned from picking up the Easter ham. She ate the pill with two small pieces of ham, but now she's totally listless. I was encouraged earlier because she had jumped up on her chair as I left.

In my heart, I know this is the end. If we can't get her to eat today, I'll suggest to DH to bring her back thru the ER to give her more fluids, and take her blood before they start the fluids. I'm sure her BW will show that her kidney failure is rapidly advancing. Giving her an IV drip will flush out her system for a day or two, maybe.

But she's so, so bad. No energy. Just not our Holly. And I can't stop crying.

This is Holly, in the back, the black and white. Our ninja licker. We call her that because she once snuck up on a pet sitter and licked her face. Cookie, 14, is in front. Cookie knows there is something very wrong. Cookie isn't eating, either. She sniffed Holly all over, and then went to lie down by her side, because she knows she is so very, very sick.

My heart is breaking.

When I came home, almost all 7 monarch butterflies were gone. Except one. It was on the ground, trying to fly and dry its wings. I told it to fly, because the nasty badass lizard that has eaten at least 4 of the caterpillars while they were in the cocoon, might eat it. I put down my finger and it climbed right on. I lifted my hand and it flew off to the palm tree. And then I cried and cried, because I know it was a sign from God to let Holly go. It's her time to be released from this world, and her spirit to go on to the next one.

I don't want to let her go. I want her to stay with us, be the happy, perky dog who greeted us when we got home with a toy, who loved going for walks, who would jump into "her" chair to look out the window and bark and growl at the dog next door going for a walk, the dog who would chase her toys around and play. The dog who would growl at Cookie if Cookie tried to eat her food. The dog who, every morning after DH leaves for work, would come over and scratch the bed so I could lift her up after she got her 200 ml of fluids. The dog who slept on our bed all night. The dog who would climb onto our pillows when we left the bed and then look at us with an innocent expression. The dog who loved to lie between us on the sofa when we watched TV.

But I fear those days are gone. And this weekend, or perhaps next weekend on my birthday (happy birthday, Bonnie), it will be her time to leave this world.

6:40 p.m. Well, DH coaxed her into eating a big piece of ham when he got home and we poured more sweet potato baby formula down her. She jumped in the chair after. Then at 3 p.m. we took her back to CPAH. The ER vet, Dr. Saldana, was great. She looked at Holly, at her BW from the past, and told us we had the option to do BW and get results back in an hour, or tomorrow if they sent out. We opted for right now. We left Holly there for an hour to get the blood drawn, and we went to dinner at Fridays. They called as we were finihsing.

BW stable.

We rushed back. Creatine was 1.4, BUN was 50. Even though this lab doesn't have the same values, it was very good.

So it's not the renal failure getting worse.

We did notice that when she eats, she seems to feel better. Plus she drinks a lot of water. She got home, drank TONS OF WATER. It could be, and the vet agrees with us, that her tummy is filled with acid and the water makes her feel better.

So they gave us new KD to try, a probiotic and a new appetite stimulant. I couldn't get her to eat anything with her afternoon pills, but at least she licked the nutracal off my fingers to take the pills.

Now I'm concerned... is her cancer back? But if it is, she would be throwing up and have the runs. I don't know. I'm going with the acid reflux and the sour tummy, sicne she seems to feel better and more active after eating.

We are worn out. One day at a time.

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